Keep Showing Up.
July 13, 2023
I think it’s safe to say, as a parent, we have all had times when our methods were being challenged, questioned, or viewed as not good enough.
This happened to me recently and it shook me to the core. In the moment I was angry, but then all I could think about were my shortcomings. I started to believe what was being said about me. I felt like the biggest failure and thought I had let my children down.
It was a dark and unproductive spiral of emotions, which had me questioning my existence. While I knew I could not continue on this track, it was so hard to shift my thinking. If people really knew the impact of their words, I wonder if they would choose to use them differently. On the other hand, if you know they are intentionally saying destructive things and trying to cause division and doubt, they are not the kind of person you need to be around.
This recent encounter really had me soul-searching and I want to share some truths and questions I asked myself in order to move out of the unhealthy perception of myself that was creeping in.
First, the loudest voice is not always the one speaking truth.
Sometimes, the more words that are being spoken could simply be a form of manipulation or control.
Are you being listened to or are you being invalidated when you do share?
When was the last time you listened (truly listened) to what was being communicated to you?
Quiet yourself.
Listen.
What do you hear?
What do you see?
What are the actions of others communicating to you?
Do the words you are hearing match what you are seeing in that person’s life?
Take inventory of your feelings, but do not let them control you.
Feelings can be a good guide at times; turning your attention to something you should not miss, like an internal check or red flag.
Get to the root of the feeling.
What caused the feelings?
Are you confused?
Walk it backwards.
When is the last time you knew (truly knew) something to be true?
What changed?
When you are really listening, you will learn something.
When you are really paying attention, you will see things you didn’t see before. Unfortunately, that doesn’t necessarily mean it will be good.
Are you taking the time to listen to your own heart?
Are you validating your own worth or is it caught up in what others think of you?
There can be wisdom gained with few words even being spoken. It’s ok to sit in the discomfort of a difficult situation like this and gain understanding and new perspective but know when it is time get up and move on. Do not stay there when it’s not beneficial to your wellbeing or the wellbeing of those around you. Of course we do not always do things perfectly, but that does not diminish the positive impact you have on the world around you. You are needed and you are loved. Keep showing up.
Sincerely,
Mea