Life Dump.
June 15, 2023
Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you were navigating a difficult situation and then out of nowhere, other challenging things decided to join in on the fun, just to make you question your sanity?
Well, I am convinced, when you decide to be responsible, choose growth over comfort, or simply be a better human being, life will D U M P opportunity after opportunity right on top of you to do just that. I mean that exactly as it was written. The dumpage is real.
The other day, my husband and I were getting ready to head out of town on a family vacation. In the process of packing, we were trying to reorganize and clean up after our basement had been completely torn up from a major plumbing issue. The kind where you are left with a quarter inch of dust on every surface in your home no matter how much you vacuum or dust. The kind of issue where the neighbors (who you know only come outside to get information when something happens) decide to go for a walk in front of your house to check out the big hole. The kind of issue that leaves you tripping over the years’ worth of displaced clutter that has been waiting for you to feel inspired again. Come on… we both know the stuff is not going to be touched or looked at again for another five years.
Back to packing, cleaning, and resetting the house. I was running around the house doing my best to maximize the time I had left. The plan was clear in my head - it was time to multi-task like never before. I had just dumped the 4 baskets of laundry on the bed, when my husband walks into the room wanting to talk over the plan for our vacation. "Great! Let's do this... we will talk over the plan ... be on the same page… our vacation will be off to a great start," I thought. After 9.5 years of being married, it was about to dawn on me for the very first time, the way I have strategically (and successfully in my mind) navigated my to-do-list did not work for him - at all. We were complete opposites. In the back of my mind, I knew this, but it had never been articulated. I had NO IDEA that multi-tasking did not work for him.
While I was doing my best to be productive around the house and have conversations simultaneously, the information I thought I was sharing was actually being lost. I had no idea all activity had to stop if I wanted to have a conversation with him. In the end, what I thought was efficient became a source of frustration for both of us. The countless times I have said, "babe, remember, we talked about this…," he really didn’t; those conversations never happened in his mind. He told me that he has NEVER been able to do one thing AND take in information simultaneously. It’s one or the other. And in that moment, the miscommunications we’ve had over the years FINALLY made sense!
With this revelation, I realized what needed to change – me. My husband has mentioned several times that I am too busy or unavailable. While I feel like being a wife and a mother should automatically qualify me for some sort of exemption from that because I navigate endless responsibilities and distractions daily, that’s not how life works. In all honesty, I don’t want to be distracted and unavailable. I want to be FULLY present when I’m with my family. So why is that so difficult!?
There are endless "opportunities" for change and growth in our lives. Not showing up or putting the work in is an option, but the return on that approach is stressful, not only for us but for those around us as well. Ok, here’s the dumpage tie-in. Like our plumbing issue, if the framework is not done correctly, the issues [A.K.A. dumps, A.K.A. poop] will become a regular problem. Not only will we be in the thick of it (literally and figuratively), so will others we are close with. Whether we are being intentional regarding our personal development (our framework) or not, it will impact others. My husband and I have learned that broken systems under the surface are expensive, invasive, and unpleasant. But, when the work is done and you know it is right you have peace of mind unlike before, when you were just waiting for the next episode.
Personally, I want to be the kind of person that when life gets messy and difficult, I am right by your side, digging in and rebuilding - getting it done and done right. It starts with me recognizing when I am defaulting to my old habits and then creating new ones. The change in me will impact my relationships and will be well worth the work.
Sincerely,
Mea